Sneakin’ Penis T-Shirt

I ordered one of these in XXL because I was going to wear it to a Fourth of July party and I was hoping to have a really prominent peener poking out of my waistband while I worked the grill. However, when the package arrived, it turned out that the shirt was very large and the illustration was only regular size. If anything, it looked smaller than it really was because it was printed on a gigantic tent of a t-shirt. You could fit a family of four in this extra-large dongshirt. In fact, the shirt was so big that if I tucked it in, you couldn’t see the art at all. Not even the tip! That’s a little too sneaky if you ask me. Worse, though, was if I didn’t tuck it in, it looked like I had a dong on my knee.

So I sent it back to exchange for a medium, which is the size I usually wear. But when that one arrived, it was so snug that it looked like a Britney Spears belly tee, only with a disembodied penis right in the middle of my chest. I guess that would be an okay look for a ladies’ shirt or to wear to the Eagle Bar or something, but for a holiday barbeque? No thank you. Also, not that I spend a lot of time hanging around locker rooms, but the medium-sized penis actually seemed a little on the shrimpy side.

In the end I scrapped the whole plan. But it would have worked out great if I could have sized the art and the shirt independently. And the shirt would be a lot nicer if it had a pocket on it.